STATEMENT OF 9 JUNE 2013

After all these years of being Eleanor Roosevelt, I have at length concluded that, finally, there is no viable alternative to Being Myself.  Myself is the creature of whom my father always said:

You dont really feel that way

Not only was he wrong, he also lied to the New York Times.  In fact, you could say that the degree of my father’s lying rose to the pathological, but I ask you to remember that he only lied for his country.  Or, at any rate, his government.  Saving Private Ryan is, after all, an exercise in pro-war propaganda, which becomes readily apparent when we note that the most affecting scene concerning violence — in fact, the only truly affective one — occurs when the two soldiers pull up in front of the Ryan home, out there among amber waves of etc., and Mrs [no first name] Ryan, upon opening the front door and realizing what this visit portends, can no longer remain standing.

If I had an alternative to Being Myself, believe me, I would opt for it, because I cannot imagine anything scarier than Being Myself (neither could my father, and he was a war hero).  Know that I undertake this course of being only as the very last and desperate resort, at a point in my life when I find myself bereft of any other thing to be.

I know that this decision will alienate some people — perhaps even most people — but I am, as yet, unwilling to die for the sake of those people’s good opinion of themselves.

Interested readers who have followed my case in the past may think of this Statement as a sequel to my one-hit wonder of yesteryear, An Account of a Family.  We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Signed,

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer

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